Game updates/2017 April Fools

Update - April 1, 2017

General

•  Alacrity now grants 200 to all stats, and speeds up skill recharge by 150%.
• Fixed a bug that prevented random number generation from being affected by wishful thinking.
• Random number generation is no longer random. It is now seeded by account name.
• We have added a Gem Store item that will allow you to change your account name for the low, low price of 2,000 gems. There is no limit on the number of purchases.
• If you plant Caladbolg in the Grove, you will gain a new Mini Trahearne Backpack. With careful feeding and attention, he will grow up to accompany you on your adventures.
• Additional beard skins can be unlocked after purchasing Wide Rim Glasses and Shoulder Scarf from the Gem Store.
• Sylvari now regenerate 1% of their health in sunlight. Requires water.

Elementalist

•   Fire Attunement now sets the caster on fire until   Water Attunement is cast.

Engineer

• A new bomb cannot be placed until all existing bombs have exploded.

Guardian

• Reduced longbow skill range to 600. Increased range of projectiles fired by shield skills to 1,200 to compensate.
• Morality system added for guardians. Failing to remain virtuous will cause you to lose access to your Virtue skills.

Mesmer

• Due to time fluctuations,  Alacrity can no longer be applied to chronomancers.
• The following mesmer weapons can now only be wielded in the off hand: sword, scepter, staff, and greatsword.

Necromancer

• Minion skills now require corpses. Flesh Golem requires multiple corpses to cast.
• Fixed a bug that allowed professions other than necromancer to talk to ghost NPCs.

Ranger

• Ranger pets now require food. Failing to feed your pet will cause them to leave your kennel.
• Rangers can now dual-wield shortbows.

Revenant

• The   Legendary Assassin Stance skill   Phase Traversal now creates a portal that other players can use to follow you.
• Fixed a typo: "Facet of X" has been changed to "Faucet of X." The functionality of this skill has been updated to reflect its fixed name.

Thief

• Stealing from NPCs will now aggro town guards if you are seen.
• Shadowstepping no longer functions in areas with no shadows.

Warrior

• Warriors can now triple-wield weapons by slotting a third weapon into their helmet slot.
•  Phalanx Strength now applies  Fury,  Regeneration,  Protection,  Aegis,  Resistance,  Vigor,  Swiftness,  Quickness,  Alacrity,  Spotter,  Stealth,  Superspeed, and   Fire Attunement in addition to  Might.

Raids

General

• Infantile mode is now available for all raids. Bosses have 50% reduced health and outgoing damage. Loot from the boss chests consists of two blues and a green.
• Elementalists now gain a -20% outgoing damage enhancement when setting foot in a raid, until they leave.

Spirit Vale

• The Vale Guardian now splits into six colors instead of three.

Salvation Pass

• Slothasor is tired of the constant interrupts from his naps and will now enrage, dealing 500% outgoing damage each time he wakes up.

Stronghold of the Faithful

• Glenna insists she is not your puppy and will now sometimes refuse to follow players.

Bastion of the Penitent

• The Mursaat Overseer now has new chess pieces added to its encounter.
  • Jade knights will instantly stomp any player that is downed.
  • Jade bishops will dash in unpredictable diagonal patterns across the room, claiming all tiles in their path.

Lion's Arch Aerodrome

• The trading-post merchant has been crushed by boxes again. Look for his return when his lawsuit against the Black Lion Trading Company inevitably ends in dismissal.
• The technician in the Special Forces Training Arena has finished collecting her data and as such does not require adventurers' aid. She has left the zone and will no longer spawn golems. She was last heard muttering something about DPS meter elitism.

PvP

• Extended our dishonor system to anyone who says "get good" in chat.
• If a thief kills another thief, they receive 5 minutes of dishonor.

WvW

• Now when ArenaNet claims an objective, all players inside the objective are invulnerable.
• World-linked all worlds in NA to Blackgate and every world in EU to Far Shiverpeaks.
• Killing members of Yak's Bend will now count toward the Yakslapper title.
• The tides have risen in the Eternal Battlegrounds. All combat is underwater.
• The team that controls Stonemist Castle may now send invaders into other worlds' dungeons and raid instances. Invaders will be represented by a red glow.
•   Epidemic target cap is now unlimited in WvW.
• Siege adjustments:
  • Removed trebuchets.
  • Removed catapults.
  • Removed shield generators.
  • Removed ballistas.
  • Removed siege golems.
  • Halved damage on flame rams.
  • Doubled damage on arrow carts.